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Dissatisfaction
Slander
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in The Cantina
I thought I'd start the real life dissatisfaction thread, a place to complain about things unrelated to the game. Obviously, no talk of politics or religion. I think this sort of thing can be healthy and cathartic so let's not do anything to get it shut down.
I realize it might seem odd, or even shitty of me to start the thread on Christmas, but Christmas is part of why I'm starting it. I don't have a good history with this time of year, going back to when I was a kid and shit I'm not gonna go into. Most years of my adulthood I'm alone on Christmas and very, very drunk. I'm not drinking today, even though the urge is strong, and fuck I keep avoiding typing it... My wife left me on Thursday. So today I'll be playing Starmourn at the house of a friend I'm staying with and trying to be ok. Hope it's a better day for all of you than it is me.
I realize it might seem odd, or even shitty of me to start the thread on Christmas, but Christmas is part of why I'm starting it. I don't have a good history with this time of year, going back to when I was a kid and shit I'm not gonna go into. Most years of my adulthood I'm alone on Christmas and very, very drunk. I'm not drinking today, even though the urge is strong, and fuck I keep avoiding typing it... My wife left me on Thursday. So today I'll be playing Starmourn at the house of a friend I'm staying with and trying to be ok. Hope it's a better day for all of you than it is me.
I'm gone.
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"They are elect to whom beautiful things mean only Beauty."
— Oscar Wilde
"I'll take care of it, Luke said. And because he said it instead of her, I knew he meant kill. That is what you have to do before you kill, I thought. You have to create an it, where none was before."
— Margaret Atwood
And Christmas blows butt and Christmas music makes want to throw a Santa. Grin? More like GRINch.
Sorry for your loss and recurring anguish. If stomping people in HOTS helps, count me as always down to help! Sounds therapeutic!
Edit: typo
Today's been really fucking hard for me. In fact, each day has been harder than the previous one. The last time I saw the woman I married was the morning of the 20th. We got in an argument, I took a nap before the 4+ hour drive home and I woke up to a note that just said "I'm leaving." She's told mutual friends that she misses me and wants to be friends but isn't ready to talk to me. We haven't talked since that argument. I haven't drank since the day after but it's really hard to resist today. I'm trying to distract myself with Starmourn and not dwell on my problems but I'm not doing a great job. I'm absolutely distraught. Ugh. Sorry. I needed to get it out somewhere.
2018 was a year of heartbreak for me like no other. My cat died, and he was my best friend, the thing that made me happiest in this world. Life being crap would never matter so much when I got home to that eager little guy greeting me at the door, or as he would often do, galloping up the street to meet me and lead me back home.
I’ve stopped wanting to leave the house because now every time I walk back home, I have to face the journey back up that street, where a part of me’s still expecting to find him waiting there and calling out to me. I get to the door and jangle my keys, and even though he has a perfectly good cat-flap, he always puts his paws up on the door, looks up at the keyhole and waits for me to open the door so he can rush back in and bound up the stairs ahead of me. That’s how excited he always was to see me. Now just having to unlock my own front door hits me like a ton of bricks because it’s so different from how it always used to be ever since I first moved in. And I struggle to fall asleep without him curled up on the bed.
Lesser heartbreak (for me) but @saturnine, I know them messy break-up feels. I’ve been trying to break up with someone I’m still in mutual love with for months now and we just can’t do it. It feels like fate has a chokehold on both our hearts and no matter how hard we keep trying to pull away from each other, the chain won’t snap. But we both know it’s for the best, even if it isn’t easy for either of us. We just aren’t feasible as a couple. But love, man ... Love’s a real bitch, sometimes.
I am trying to stay positive for the New Year. Unlike Christmas, I love the New Year. So it was incredibly ironic to me that not one, but two terrible events occurred right on NYE: my laptop broke (fuck) and I came down with a case of laryngitis. The latter one I’m actually almost not mad at; losing my voice at a difficult time feels like a handy way to excuse myself out of social situations, although it also made some arguments with aforementioned ex doubly humiliating. It’s hard to be taken seriously when you can only shout in a hoarse, squeaky whisper. The first one just sucks though because it means I can’t play Starmourn. I guess I’ll have a positive start to the New Year by virtue of having to read a lot of books? And I’ll probably spend more time writing. Yay.
"They are elect to whom beautiful things mean only Beauty."
— Oscar Wilde
"I'll take care of it, Luke said. And because he said it instead of her, I knew he meant kill. That is what you have to do before you kill, I thought. You have to create an it, where none was before."
— Margaret Atwood